Sunday, January 2

Let's try this again: A New Year redo

See this picture?


What do you see when you look at it? (Besides Sean looking all sorts of sexy, of course)

All I see are thighs. and a bubble butt. and a big ole floppy arm. Ugh.

I ended the last post of 2010 with the revelation that I had learned to love myself more this past year, something I truly believed when I wrote it. But just 2 days later, as I'm shredding myself to pieces over ONE stupid picture, I realize maybe I haven't come as far as I thought.

For me yesterday, 2011 arrived on my doorstep wrapped up in the disguise of a horrible hangover with a firm dose of self-loathing. Our friends hosted this incredible party for the New Year, complete with bartenders, servers, and a professional photographer. I had the absolute time of my life dancing with my friends, lighting sparklers at midnight, and drinking copious amounts of champagne.


and yet, instead of spending the first day of this New Year reveling in the amazingness of my life and the blessings it has given me, I scrutinized a picture. breaking it down. breaking the girl inside the picture down, until she was nothing but body parts. Her wobbly thighs. A flabby arm.

It wasn't until this morning, after a night of tossing and turning and feeling unsettled, that I noticed another very important body part I overlooked yesterday. Her smile.

I was genuinely happy when that picture was taken. I felt fantastic, in fact. So why did I let that feeling slip away when the photo came back? It's a downright shame that instead of blaming the bad photo on poor lighting or a wonky angle, I instantly blame it on myself. My first thought was to curse those thighs. The ones I've spent years cursing, every time I looked in a mirror, or tried on skinny jeans, or was referred to as "pear shaped". In my mind, I was instantly transported back to the days when I weighed 40lbs more than I do now, to a time when I felt unconfident and insecure. A time when I was incredibly lazy and thought exercising was getting up to change the channel on the TV.

But I'm not that girl. and it's not those days anymore. I needed to slap myself back into the realm of logic and reality this morning. I reminded myself, those legs took me on a 15 mile run last week. Those thighs allowed me to do some of the best skiing I've ever done, making jumps and turns I was never able to do in the past. They are not wobbly. They are strong. They are powerful.

Most importantly, they are mine.

For better or worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, this body and I are married to each other. And certainly no one wants to have a loveless marriage, so I need to get my attitude straight before it's too late. Or else I'll come home one evening to find my body's watching reruns of Dr. Phil and binge eating Cheetos while wearing 3 day old sweatpants just to hide the resentment. and trust me, nobody wants that!

So I am doing this whole New Year, it's 2011, wahoo! thing all over again today. Except this time, I am going to do it right. I will celebrate the blessings I have in my life and all the good things still yet to come, because if Lindsay Lohan can be released from rehab for the 900th time in a row, then it's definitely true what they say: everything and everyone gets a second chance in life.

A special thank you to these two dashingly handsome gentlemen for throwing the best NYE party I've ever been too, letting us cover their house in confetti, and feeding me left over appetizers and Bravo TV until 4pm yesterday. You are the best! (Double secret thank you to Vassili for taking the time to weave through 1600 photos to find the ones of me. He knows I'm a dirty, shameless, blog whore who needed to get them out in a timely manner! He also made the video at the bottom!
)


I know I'm a day late, but since it's my redo day, I want to wish a Happy 2011 to you! Here's to a year full of health, wealth, and happiness!


With love, Marie and her thighs (and Sean, too!)

New Year's Eve: Ringing in 2011 from Vassili Shields on Vimeo.

39 comments:

Megan said...

You look beautiful in that picture! Happy and sassy :)

Hilary said...

Thank you for this, Marie. I find myself doing exactly the same thing so many times-- beating myself up because I look at a silly picture and think, "Gross." I am thrilled you were able to look deeper than your body parts and realize truth of your beauty (body parts included!). I hope your new year is gorgeous!

Caitlin said...

OK, where do I even begin trying to come up with a comment on this? Your posts have been fantastic lately and this one absolutely takes the cake (what does that even mean?) First of all, these photos are GORGEOUS. Absolutely gorgeous. You look so HAPPY and that is a beautiful thing. Second, what you wrote here - how you recognized your feelings and decided to overcome them and start fresh today - is so humbling and honest and raw and real. I love that about you. The comparison to being married to yourself? Marie, that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you for opening up and letting us in - I'm so glad you did. And so are my thighs. xoxo

Anonymous said...

You know what I thought when I looked at that picture? "Wow, what a beautiful picture! She looks so happy! And gorgeous!" We are our own worst critics.

twoandthecity said...

I look at that picture and see confidence, a pair of killer heels and a girl that exudes fun! Oh and a vibrant blue tulip shaped strapless dress that is a perfect fit!

Kristina @ life as kristina said...

This post was just what I needed! I too realized that last year I had hit my lowest/goal weight and have yet to hit it again throughout this whole year, feeling crappy, tighter than usual jeans, and surrounded by food I started telling myself all the ways I need to start neglecting myself-thank you for this eye opener post!

runeatdatesleep.com said...

Excellent post! I personally think you look absolutely stunning in that picture!

Jenny Jen said...

This blog post has an overpowering authenticity to it. We are often so ridden by promises we make to ourselves, and things we want to change and more so than not, we tend to let slip ups lead us down a self-destructive spiral. I commend your re-do today with a fresh, honest mind. Happy New Year!

sTyliSH1 said...

This is the first post of yours I've read and it's amazing. I did the same exact thing! I honestly think after a night of drinking it's easier to break yourself down, who knows why. But you look amazing in all of the pics, thighs and all :)

Fyi love your blog haha

lisaathome said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and let me say bravo! What a wonderful post that truly showed amazing personal growth and appreciation. It's so hard when we think we've come so far only to hear ourselves thinking those poisonous thoughts about our bodies. Keep up the dedication and honestly and those thoughts will be a thing of the past. Happy, happy New Year!

MindfullyEmily said...

Incredible post and incredible story :) I am so jealous of your 15 mile run and that fabulous NYE party you attended! I have a feeling 2011 is going to be an amazing year for you, best of luck :)

collegegirlruns said...

Wow what a great post! We are definitely our own toughest critic and it is hard to take a step back and appreciate ourselves. I love this post :) Have a great new year!

Cindy said...

You're gorgeous! I just found your blog, and I love it! I moved to the UK from Boston in September as well. Crazy!

Marie said...

I just want to say a big, huge THANK YOU for all the comments so far!!! I wish I could reply to everyone's comments individually but blogger won't me! so please take this generous THANK YOU! It is so great reading everyone's responses and know I'm not the only one out there! This is why I love blogging!!! :)

J @ J's Everyday Fashion said...

Awesome post! For what it's worth, I kept going back and looking at the picture... I was wondering "what is she talking about? what floppy arm?" You look beautiful to me, but I know that negative voice in our head is always trying to steal our joy. Kudos for rising above it and sharing your journey with us!

Steph @Jobless in TX said...

After seeing that picture and not yet reading your post, I thought (1) what a cute picture and (2) girlfriend looks fit.

I have a tendency to scrutinize photos, too. FWIW, the the angle the photo is taken is typically a less flattering angle. Regardless, you still look great.

Me and my thighs thank you for this post.

Bess @ I Dream of Greenie said...

Thank you for such a candid post. It's a shame how we are each our #1 critics but I think honesty and authenticity is the best gift we can give ourselves.

You should know that when I looked at your picture, I saw ridiculously toned legs, a hot dress, perfectly coiffed hair and most importantly, a radiant smile.

janene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janene @ OneRun said...

just found your blog, and I LOVE IT! This is one of the best posts I've ever read, and I fight with those feelings, too. Its nice to hear some real girl talk! :-)

ps- i'm planning a wedding, training for a half marathon, and just finished grad school. we should totally be friends. just sayin.

icametorun said...

This is the first post I've ever read on your blog, and the first picture I've ever seen of you. My first reaction: What a gorgeous picture! She looks great in that color and her calf muscles are incredible! You look beautiful and happy. That's what matters most. At the same time, I totally understand where you're coming from. I do the same thing and struggle with the same thoughts myself. It takes time to learn that the flaws are not in you, but in the way you are looking at yourself, and being able to say that is far easier than being able to live it. Hopefully, though, we will both get closer to living it as the year goes by :)

sarahsshapingup said...

This is the first time I've visited your blog but I assure you after reading this post, I will definitely be back.
I love your honesty and the fact that as a woman, I deal with these same issues as well. Thank you for this!

Rachel said...

Your calves looks awesome though. :) That picture is absolutely darling.

Anonymous said...

Love the post! You look beautiful!!

Preppy in Polka Dots said...

Yes, after yesterday we all need a redo of starting 2011. Thanks for being so honest with sharing your feelings. You are beautiful inside and out and an inspiration to me everyday. Love you!

stronghealthyfit said...

Amazing post. You are beautiful and inspiring!

Talitha said...

I haven't commented before as I have only been reading over your posts since December but today seemed like the time. I think you look great in that photo and I do not even know you! If anything the only thing that is wrong with it is that the light is a little overexposed and it seems to be on an angle that is slightly beneath you (and no-one not anyone looks good from underneath!).

We truly are married to our bodies and I'm glad you got over it dealt with it and are mentally putting yourself back together. We are truly horrible to ourselves sometime.

A little tip from me to you... what would you say to your best girl friend if she had said the same thing about herself in a photo like this? Even if it was a bad shot..or she was chubby? You would never let a friend get away with talking like that would you? This has been my trick the last 6 months and it really works for me.

Happy New Year!

Lizzy said...

As I tweeted earlier this is a fabulous post and I am so happy you posted. You look absolutely happy and so beautiful and we are tooo hard on our bodies. I beat myself up on my long run this am saying if I was thinner it would be easier. But then thanks to you I thought about it..I ran 12 f# 13@ miles! Thanks for such an honest post about something so many of us deal with: self loathing! You are gorgeous just the way you are!

seetinyrun.com said...

You look gorgeous, and SO happy in that picture. I think we all have times when, no matter how good our intentions, our negative self image gets the better of us. Best of luck in the new year, if your smile is any indication, I'm sure it'll be great!

Katy (The Singing Runner) said...

This is the first time I have ever read your blog, but I am so glad that I was able to start with this post. It resonates so well with me right now. I suffered from disordered eating and poor body image issues in the past. I am getting better, but it's one of those one step forward, two steps back sort of things. Recently I have been pretty hard on myself because I've gained a few pounds due to the holidays. I am becoming more critical on myself and my image. I feel like a fraud because I tell my blog readers to love their body when I do not fully love mine. But this post puts things in perspective. I may not have the "ideal" body as accepted by society- but I have a body that allows me to run long distances, and is going to lead me to the finish line this Saturday at the Disney Half- Marathon (my first half-marathon!).

Thank you thank you thank you for this post. I can't wait to read more!

And you look gorgeous in that photo by the way! I love that dress! Super cute! :)

Nicole said...

First thing I thought when I saw that pic was, "how cute! so happy! gorgeous!". All your pics look like you had an amazing time, and I didn't even think twice about what your body looks like. We are always more critical on ourselves. You will rock 2011 :)

Kaley said...

That photo is gorgeous. You're gorgeous. But I know how you feel and I do that too. Why? I don't know. All I know is that such self-criticism does no good. It makes me feel shitty and it doesn't motivate me to do anything about it. I need to keep following you and see how you handle it and then copy you. Kiiiiiiddding.

Tracy said...

I absolutely love this post, and I caught that there was a grandma in the video - how awesome! I'll bet that she think her smile is beautiful, too.

Jess said...

We are our own worst critics....you look fantastic in this picture, and yet I just photo-shopped one of my NYE pictures to get rid of a double chin. Sigh.

Happy New Year!

Rebecca said...

That dress is so sassy, I wish I was confidant enough to wear something like that. What a great post to start the new year!

ps. only 5 hrs (west coast time, where I am) until CL-K:-)!

Ashley said...

I love, love, love this post because I do the exact same thing. Thank you so much for the needed kick in the pants.

Brittany Zale said...

Awesome post. And, it's funny because when I looked at the picture, I was immediately drawn to how awesome your legs looked. Women do know how to tear themselves apart! I've realized that I'll never really get over my body image issues, but running is what gives me small breaks, where I can sit and marvel at my body instead of tear it to shreds. Happy New Year and keep up the good work!

LBDDiaries said...

I agree with everyone else - you look AMAZING. I kept looking for the picture where you were pointing out your flaws from - never did find that flawed picture. Glad you are going to stop that. Me, too. We have a fresh start and I am going to respect myself while working on my goals! Thank you for this post.

Quarter Life Runner said...

omg i love that dress! we all dissect our bodies in photos but honestly, your calves are fabulous and you are with a good looking guy and you are clearly having a good hair day (him too!). whenever i want to look at myself in a photo and go "omg my arms"(because that is always my first thought, hey i'm not perfect either) i stop myself and say "hey i love my hair!" because people would kill to be you in this photo with that grin on your face. <3 jo

Roisin said...

I'm a bit late seeing this post. But i usually think the exact same thing when i see photos of myself. Get out of my head!! :) Women are terrible to themselves. I think i might read this post from now on when i need to turn my thinking around & be thankful for what i've got!! This is a great blog by the way!

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...