Saturday, March 20

Leggings are NOT pants!

Ladies, please.

I cannot reiterate this point enough. LEGGINGS. ARE. NOT. PANTS.

(for the visual learners, like myself)

They should not be worn in restaurants. They should not be worn in the mall. They should not be worn in the streets. You should not, could not, please please I wish you would not, wear them at all. Sam I am. Green Eggs in Ham.

I don't know where this pant imposter phenomenon came from, but I want it to go away. I do not care if you are a size 2 or a size 20, I do not want to see your lady bits on display while I'm strolling through the produce section during my weekly grocery shop. Your camel toe doesn't belong near my cauliflower. I mean, seriously? When did it become okay to take clothing initially meant for sweatin' your way through the '80s out into the streets of daily metropolitan life?

Our grandmothers and great grandmothers did not spend generations defending the right to wear pants, only to see it all sacrificed at the hands of this barely-there, "I don't care what I wear" insanity. So please, the next time you consider taking yourself out into the world with some black spandex, and calling it an outfit, stop and reconsider. Ask yourself a few key questions.

1. Is it 1987? I can answer that one for you. No, it's not... so you should not be wearing pants made of stretchy fabric. Double NO if they have stirrups attached at the bottom.

2. Does my shirt cover ANY part of my body past my stomach? If the answer is no, you cannot consider it a dress. That means REAL ACTUAL PANTS are required in this scenario.

3. Will streneous exercised be unexpectedly exerted in such a fashion that you would have NO time to change beforehand? No? Okay so then perhaps you shouldn't wear them out and about at all times of the day.

4. Are you Lindsay Lohan? Now, while I do certainly realize that I am, in fact, quite awesome, I wouldn't be so bold as to assume that Lindsanity herself reads my charming little blog. So the answer is probably NO.
( does the girl even OWN pants???)

If you would like, please print this self-assessment out, put it onto index cards and keep them with you at all times so the next time you see a lycra-clad lass you can hand her one of these in hopes of spreading the good word.

and maybe, juuuuuust maybe...one day these abomination of the modern world will be sent to the fashion graveyard to rest in piece alongside jean shorts, crocs, and socks with sandals.

9 comments:

Sean said...

you had me a green eggs and ham then one-upped yourself with “your camel to does not belong near my cauliflower”. You've coined a new phrase here.

I thought the leggings issue was isolated to Ireland. Seems we have something of a pandemic. Get to the source dear.

I think the leggings as pants are part of the fast fashion phenomenon, where people are buying cheap disposable clothing that are recklessly trendy with a short lifespan... They will all be embarrassed at their old photos. Their cloths will fill our land-fills.

Preppy in Polka Dots said...

Amen sister. I can't with the leggings. I also sometimes think that people use it as an easy outfit excuse -- everything goes with leggings. I am glad you have chosen to let everyone know how false that is. And I agree, camel toe and cauliflower don't mix but when you think about what really does mix with camel toe -- NOTHING. Not that oversized button down, not that tunic shirt being used as a dress and most certainly not uggs.

Wow, I have added quite a bit of my own rant to yours.

Also did you know that Lindsanity has her own line of leggings?

Preppy in Polka Dots said...

Now I know you don't like leggings but what are your thoughts on this.....

http://perezhilton.com/2010-03-22-mary-j-blige-rocks-a-unitard

queerveganrunner said...

THANK. YOU.

I posted this on my FB the other day and have received such a strong emotional response from people. It's not ok. There's no excuse for the toe.

Also, I've been threatened to be made instanteously single if I dare wear leggings that have not been immediately preceded by or followed by a workout.

Baggy sweats on the other hand, are perfectly fine and I call them "eating pants."

Jess said...

you must watch this video. please. Tights are NOT Pants, by Glozell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vmoGACDzwE

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming the reason you posted this blog was because you wish you could pull of the 'leggings' look. Or perhaps it's obvious you don't have knowledge of fashion. While it may not be the 1987, the 1980s look is in style as of current. While I agree that most of the population should never wear leggings as pants (because of the extreme weight problem we see in society today), don't hate on the girls who make it work! I own many "jeggings" and am damn proud of it.

Anonymous said...

I am going to post this link on to my facebook because more people need to be educated! Do you think it's rude to send it to a former casual business acquaintance as well?....

Aury said...

Just because you can wear something does not necessarily mean that you should people. I know this may be hard to understand considering the culture we all come from but its true. I mean just because a girl can wear a gigantic tutu to class and make it work because she has the figure of a swan doesn't mean she should. Just because a size 2 girl can look good without pants doesn't mean she should go around not wearing pants. Honestly, if that was the case, its fair to say that the time will come wear bikinis will be socially acceptable apparel to wear any and everywhere.- at least for those who can pull off the look...

Also, i also wear leggings and love them too. I just don't pretend that they are pants. I wear them as the underwear that i clothing supports and accessories that they are.

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