For the past 3 weeks, "home" has been divided between my parents house in New Hampshire and Sean's family in Boston, but tomorrow evening my bag will be packed yet again for the trip back to London.
but for the past 8 years, "home" has been in a myriad of places along the eastern seaboard. From my childhood house in New Hampshire to my college apartment in Tallahassee, I've lived in a lot of different places with a lot of different people.
(Alright, you got me on the last one. I've never actually lived there. BUT it is the super wicked awesome beach house Sean and I rented as accommodations for our wedding party and since we are paying for it ourselves, I get to count it. esp when I go back to the one bedroom flat in London where I have to start the oven by hand with a lighter and cannot flush the toilet twice in a row. mmmkay?)
but now, I am ready to settle down. I am ready for one home with one person. (and that's Sean. Unless Josh Halloway reads my last post and decides he'd like to throw his hat in the ring, of course)
and I want that home to be back in the United States. *gulp*
It's no secret to those closest to me London just isn't my bag, baby. Over the past 3 months, I realized while I like traveling abroad, I do not want to live abroad. I love that feeling of stepping off a plane in a new city and exploring all it has to offer. I am ecstatic with every new stamp in my passport and charge on my credit card in a foreign currency. (Okay, maybe not that last part) However, at the end of most vacations, people claim "I can't wait to be home and sleep in my own bed" and I am missing that.
Coming "home" for Christmas was strange. As Sean and I wove our way through the streets of Boston, everything was familiar. Our favorite restaurants, the movie theatre, my running route along the Charles...and yet, none of it was really ours. We were tourists in our own city. It was such a surreal time, feeling like this place was our home but knowing we were merely short term visitors.
It was with this thought in mind that Sean and I made the decision to move back to Boston once my program is finished. As we visited with our friends and celebrated their new apartments, new jobs, and other exciting developments, we couldn't help but be green with envy. While it's been an interesting adventure and we are learning a lot about ourselves through this experience living abroad, we are ready for that next step...ready to unpack our suitcases once and for all. We want "home" to mean more than the location most currently scrawled across our luggage tags.
Does this make us failures? Does it make us crazy for selling all our furniture and cars to move there in the first place? Does it make us any less bad ass?
Certainly not. You know what they say...The sun never sets on a bad ass.
ha.
In all seriousness though, I decided to take this journey because I wanted to be a stronger person and try a new experience. I wanted to satisfy a desire I've always had to travel...and all of that is still happening. Nothing makes you stronger than counting out coins to see if you can afford dinner, having all of your loved ones half a world away, and being 2 sizes bigger in European clothing than American. Just kidding. (Okay, not really. I don't like it. Not one bit. Give me some typical American vanity sizing please!)
So tomorrow I am going to pack my suitcases once again and head back to London. But this time I am going with a fresh perspective. Sean and I are going to stop stressing out about the failures of this move and focus on the positive. We are going to enjoy the city for all its worth and take advantage of living in a European hub. We are going to appreciate the time we have left here and soak up as much learning, and changing, and growing as possible. And as I unpack my bags, stow away my passport and start saying, "bloody hell!" again, I will slowly smile to myself...
because I know soon enough I'll be grabbing a "beeah at the bah" with my homie Ben Affleck. I'll be like Blake Lively from the Town. but without the horribly fake accent. or skanky clothes. or coke problem.
I cannot wait.
