Sunday, October 17

Just gotta have faith

I didn't want to write this post for a couple different reasons. My ego being the main one. However, I take a lot of pride in being able to express myself well, especially when emotional. (hahaha, I'm sorry but I have to laugh at how nicely I just painted that picture of what I'm like when I'm being emotional. It's like I'm the Leonardo da Vinci of blogging. But, please just roll with me on this one, you don't want to know what's behind this Mona Lisa's smile. trust.) I am hoping that after this year in London I can print all these entries out, bind them together in a book, and have a keepsake of this journey to carry with me into the future. So I need to be honest about what this experience is really like, mass murdering rapist foxes aside.

So here it goes...We are almost a month into our overseas adventure and I am so terribly homesick. I miss so many things about back home.

I miss these guys:

and these guys:

and even these guys too:

(you know it's serious when you miss these crazy biatches)

From other expat bloggers I've stalked, I know that this is just part of it, a stage in the moving abroad process, but I can't help but feel completely bowled over by it all. It's hit me a lot harder than I realized. The stress, the doubt, the longing for familiarity and comforts of home. I've been hesitant to say anything for fear of sounding whiny and ridiculous.
What's that? You don't like living in a great flat in this huge metropolitan city while you study for your advanced degree? Oh god! Let me run and get my violin straightaway.

But to hell with it. I'm human. I'm sad and lonely and frustrated. I want to crawl into a bag of Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Pretzels and never come out. and then I remember, $&%@#! they don't have Trader Joe's in Europe. What's a girl to do?

I just have to keep the faith.

Sean is going to find an amazing job. I am going to make friends at school. I will learn to perfect my totally fake British accent. I will not allow myself to wear jorts* with tights.

(source) (I don't care how hipster Euro cool it is. Jean shorts will ALWAYS be a no, double no if it's 50 degrees and raining outside, triple no if you are wearing a scarf, hat and gloves with said shorts. If you are so freaking cold, I have an idea for you: PUT ON PANTS!)

Keeping the faith. It is so much easier said than done...but I embarked on this adventure for a reason. I wanted to challenge myself and explore everything this world and my life had to offer and I'm doing that. I need to count my blessings and take pride in the small victories: I haven't gotten lost on the subway yet, I made a fantastic British supper, I nominated myself to be Class Rep for my Master's Program, something I never would've had the guts to do a year ago...and apparently the foxes stopped their "Adult Dispute" long enough to read my blog post the other day, because it's been silent nights since then. (and yes, foxes can read. and what exactly is the plural of fox anyway?)

These things take time. I know that, you know that, we all know that. I just need to remind myself of that. I may be a super cool, wicked awesome, fun girl but I am not going to arrive in a foreign country and just *poof* have a new set of friends and fabulous, stress-free life ready and waiting for me (but ummmmm, seriously, how amazing would that be?!) For me, this experience is about going beyond my comfort zone. It's about putting myself out there and embracing the anxiety and fear of a new challenge and putting it to use. It is about growing as an individual and as a couple and I need to remember that. Rome wasn't built in a day and my new life won't be either.

It's going to take time.

and faith.

and many (many) pints at the pub.

Until then I will be taking applications for new friends in the UK. Bonus points if you know Prince William personally. Automatic entry into the European best friend slot if you know anyone who works for Cadbury Chocolate.

*and just for reference jorts = jean shorts aka don't do it. ever. unless you did, do, or will go to the University of Florida.

Hey, if I can't watch college football from over here, the very least I can do it google Gaters in jorts. It provides hours of entertainment for all ages.


Sean said...

This is very normal. Next you will have a gradual adjustment. It is hard being away from your loved ones, and your comfort zone. I'm very proud of you, and I'm glad you are here for me. I love you.

I would like to demonstrate what your experience will be like with a link to a graph. Mark Havel is an expert.

Elizabeth said...

hahahaha! That jorts montage is absolutely hilarious!

Honestly it sounds like you're doing so well in London, but everyone gets homesick. You are allowed! Just think of what a great life experience you're having and since it's only a year you'll be able to look back on this time pretty soon.

Linda said...

We miss you too. I said to Dad that you will be home for a visit 2 months from last Friday. It will be here before you know it. Enjoy London and school. You have an the best person to be with you on this journey. Do well and enjoy!!!!!. Marie and Sean, miss and love you both. Bodie says woof!!!!!!!!!!

andrea said...

Aw, this is so hard! I spent the first few months in London wanting to be back in the US, but once I allowed myself to stop comparing everything (from money to shops to everyday life things) it helped so much! And now that we are back in the US I miss it so much! Just remember, it will get easier :)

Kaley said...

I feel you, as a fellow expat. I miss the homeyness of the U.S. so much. I will admit to getting teary-eyed while watching America: The Story of Us with my Spanish boyfriend. Haaaaaaaaaha. Oh, you History Channel Documentaries, really now.

Betsy said...

You can do it! You're right - it does take a lot of faith and a lot of patience and a lot of hard work. But you can definitely do it!

Rachel said...

1. The fox in our neighborhood died. It was found in someone's front yard. Maybe yours died too?
2. I have a pair of jean shorts. They are from the Gap like 5 years ago. I love them. Please still be my friend.

VL said...

The guilt is one of the hardest things - and people don't help sometimes. I have friends in Kansas tell me all the time, BUT you're in DC. What a great place to be! All the young people.

It doesn't matter. You can still be homesick in a really awesome place.

Kat said...

Oh girl, I'm just glad you're staying away from the jorts w/ tights look. That one kills me inside just a little bit.

I'm pretty sure the plural of fox is foxes. It isn't Foxii.

AT said...

I think you might have been my sister in a past life!
Let's meet up again soon!

Rachel Wilkerson said...

You're not being whiny -- it's OK to be homesick, even when you're doing something exciting and incredible! When I wrote about being homesick (which wasn't easy, mainly because I didn't want my fam to know I was homesick and get upset) I got a response from so many people who said they felt the same. It made me 100% sure that everyone gets homesick and that it's totally OK. I also truly believe it will pass.

And PS they don't have Trader Joe's in Texas either!

Jennifer said...

Your not alone, I was so homesick when I was studying abroad, it took time. Find something you can do thats home, like...find where the homeless people have great signs about getting inebriated (ala Faneuil Hall Style). Plus you have a great accessory to your London life, SEAN! Having him there with you is an amazing connection to home, its your adventure together! Embrace it, you will be back home before you know it and missing all of this new-craziness.

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