Stuff White People Like . Have you heard of it?
While reading it, a grande Starbucks in hand, having just returned from the farmer’s market with organic produce, I can’t help but admit that it describes me to a T. I want to throw down the book and yell “I’m an individual!” but they’ve got me pegged. And as I turned to Marie and complained about how “noisy those damn kids are outside”, I realized perhaps there are other categories I fit into as well…and a sequel was born: Stuff Old People Like.
I am a huge fan of the old people. Your grandparents and I would get along great. As a gentleman of leisure I appreciate how they take it slow. Naps? I love naps.
The only thing I love more than a solid afternoon nap is the ability to wear pants with ducks on them and suspenders. Marie won’t let me wear that stuff yet, something about how I’d embarrass her. But just wait. Wait until I’m 80. I am going to be one bad ass old dude.
My book is still in progress, but I’ve got a good outline. Here are some things I believe old people like (and trust me, I’m an expert. I’m 29 going on 79)
- Ointment
- Individually wrapped hard candy
- Oatmeal (you bloggers like that stuff too right?)
- Not having salt
- Prunes. All forms. Juice, canned, stewed.
- The Price is Right
- Golf Carts
- Florida
- Watching The Price is Right... in Florida... while driving a golf cart. I like to call this The Trifecta. Bonus points if the person's wearing orthopedic shoes while doing it.
- Hairy ears
- Playing Bridge
- Looking out the window any time anything happens
- Writing you a $12 check for your birthday
This book is going to rock. What am I missing?
I cannot wait to be that old crotchety guy, cane in hand, spoiling my grand kids rotten. It’s going to be awesome.
Especially when I make Marie clean my dentures. I mean diaper.
(Editor's note: ughhhhh. boys.)
