Are you taking a piss?

Piss.

what a funny word. and it has so many uses.

Before moving to London, I was pumped to come over here and hear all the stereotypically fabulous British slang. I had visions of screaming "bloody hell" and "crikey!" in any and every potentially inappropriate place, like the library at school. or behind someone in line at the supermarket. Alas, It's been 2 months here and I have yet to use either expression.

On the flip side, there are a couple expressions that I still can't quite handle. All of the ones involving "piss" in particular. (and there are more than one). Every time I hear them, I immediately conjure up images that are in no way, shape, or form appropriate for the context.

For example: "is he taking a piss at me?"

My response: pissing at you? Ummmmmm, girlfriend. He better not be pissing at, on, in, or anywhere near you. That's dirty, nasty, and just plain rude.

Oh wait. That's not what you meant? Turns out "taking a piss" at someone means you're putting them on or making fun of them, but that's not the only pissing that happens over here.

You can also be pissed. As in: "Oh man, I got so pissed Friday night". My first instinct? I get nosy. Oooooh potential drama, I wonder what that person was so angry about. I want all the juicy details. Au contraire mon frere, to get pissed is to get drunk.

How could I mess that one up? I love getting drunk and I do it so frequently (and quite well, might I add). I really need to get this all straightened out before I start incorporating taking or getting pissed into my daily vernacular or else the next time I try to tell someone "I was so pissed at Sean last night" they are going to assume I either got drunk or peed all over him. or both. (wait, nevermind, I'm the only one who thinks "taking a piss" is peeing. Shoot, I'm wrong again. See how tricky this can be?)

Another common phrase that get's me every time: "Are you alright" or "Are you okay", which is the common British way of saying "How are you". Whenever someone asks me this, I always get just a little bit defensive. I immediately stutter "uhhh yeah. why?", which is usually met with a confused look from the other party. That's when I realize, crap. I messed it up. Happens to me every. single. time. I'm pretty sure most of my classmates think I am either completely socially inept or the biggest biatch alive. or both. crikey.

I've yet to hear my personal favorite expression, Sweet Fanny Adams, but I'm holding out for it. This expression has become my beacon of hope in the cold, dreary London landscape. I know someday, somewhere, I will hear this sweet, sweet expression and the speaker of it will instantly become my bff4L. We will waltz around Central London hand in hand taking pisses on people. errrrr, AT people.

I can't wait.

Editor's Note: I really wanted to provide a picture for you, you know proper blog etiquette and all. I was very apprehensive to type "taking a piss" into Google Images. As I waited for the page to load, I got nervous. Sean is supposed to be home any minute now. What if he walked in and saw me googling pictures of people peeing? What if my computer is being monitored somehow and I get in trouble for being a total creeper. But never fear, Google pulled through in the clutch. Right on page #1, this lovely little number:



George Bush and the Prime Minister? Now what exactly, are you trying to insinuate here Google? hmmmmm.....