The Quarterlife Quandary

I've discovered the worlds #1 diet secret AND fountain of youth. at the same time. I am going to bottle it and sell it and become a millionaire.

apparently all you have to do is pop out 8 babies, yell at your husband constantly (is that okay Sean?), and then get a horribly public divorce.

Because girlfriend went from this:


to this:

I guess if we are being fair I should probably put a warning on the label that reads:
Take 2 capsules, twice a day with plenty of water. Include a tummy tuck, spray tan, hair extensions, liposcution, personal nanny, and security guards to ensure guarantee. Repeat as necessary.